Getting hyooge is what most people that go to gym aim for, even if they still tell their friends, “oh no, I just go to keep fit and in shape. It has nothing to do with gaining muscle.” What most people don’t realise though, is that if you ever attain swole status, there are a whole new slew of problems that come along with it:
- Those bulging muscles of yours need constant sustenance, and just eating normal sized portions won’t work anymore. Instead, you need to spend LOTS of money on food- it almost makes you wonder how much money the Hulk goes through a week on groceries.
- All of a sudden, your clothes no longer seem to fit. T-shirts start to become too tight around the shoulders and chest; your massive quadriceps tear at the stitches of your jeans, relegating you to either (a) buy more clothes, or (b) start walking around in tracksuit pants more often.
- In order to get swole, you need supplements: creatine, glutamine, protein powders, vitamins, waxy maize starch (my new favourite), beta-alanine, L-arginine, BCAA’s and the list goes on and on. Problem is, where are you going to put all of this stuff? In order to continue on your quest to Thor-like proportions, you’ll need to clear out your cabinets- potentially frustrating your spouse/family when there’s no room to store the groceries.
- Gone are the days of buying suits off the rack. On my wedding day, this was a real problem for me. Once you start to get hyooge, you’ll need to start getting your suits and shirts altered or made. No more off the rack for you!
- Swole guys and girls need protein, lots of it, approximately 1.4 grams times their bodyweight. For example, I weight 85kg, and stand at 6’1. Daily, I should suck down 120-140g of protein. That’s 13 eggs or 5 chicken breasts or 7 serves of tuna. Ever try eating more than 3 eggs at a time in public? The first thing anybody says is, “aren’t you worried about your cholesterol?”
- Hyooge guys and girls move lots of weight, often. There’s no denying they are strong, or at least the smart, hyooge gym junkies are. When someone needs something moved, or lifted up, they always call the hyooge guy. You’re like a one man/girl moving crew- Yay!
- More muscle= less brains. Whether people still think muscle eventually grows around the brain reverting swole guys to hulk-like intelligence me no know. Jono like books and still big and lift heavy weights… he no stupid!
- Public perception is that hyooge guys don’t have a life, every hour is spent lifting heavy stuff and putting it down; friends will eventually turn to you and say, “I could look like you if I spent all day, everyday in the gym.” When one person says this, it’s ok but after the third time, it gets old- quick.
I know there are more, I’m sure of it. Right now though my small, muscly brain can’t think about anything but my too small jeans and my next protein shake.
Comment below and add your own swole problem to the list.