The New Gym Rules

For anyone, walking into a new gym is as intimidating as being told by an ageing wizard that you need to destroy a magical ring while an army of invisible goth-men nefariously stalk you down.

But at least Frodo had Sam holding his hand.

You’re most likely alone, confused and feeling slightly dizzy and nauseous due to the stringent scent of one part sweat, one part ammonia and one part pheromones.

Neckless men communicate in nothing but grunts and as they slap each other on the back and lift all the weight, they look in your direction and you feel less significant than Pluto when Nasa decided it wasn’t a planet anymore.

Turn around though and toned gym bunnies are giggling and jumping up and down, performing HIIT cardio sessions, their makeup perfectly applied, eyebrows on fleek and their fake breasts pushed up so far that you wonder how their diaphragm can actually expand.

You’ve only been in the gym for all of five minutes and you’re sweating, out of breath and feel like passing out- you haven’t even touched a weight yet.

If you are to survive, you need to know how to navigate the jungle:

1. Putting a towel on a piece of equipment is the equivalent of a dog peeing on a tree

It doesn’t even have to be a towel, any of your possessions will work; placing something of yours on a piece of equipment tells everyone in the gym you are using it.

Forget to put something of yours on a bench or weight machine and it will disappear faster than Deadpool when he smells chimichangas; you’ll only have yourself to blame and your lack of awareness has lost you the right to ask for it back.

2. You’re workout is no more important than anyone else’s

Everyone in the gym is there to better themselves.

Maybe you’re one of those people whose mum fed them with a silver spoon and, every night, patted you on the head and told you that you were special but in the gym you’re no more important than anyone else and neither is your workout.

Take up an acceptable amount of space (approximately an arms length away from anyone else) and respect everyone no matter what they’re lifting or what type of exercise they’re doing.

3. If you use your phone, be mindful

Five years ago, if you used your phone on the gym floor you became a pariah, your muscles atrophied and the thought of dead animal flesh, cooked medium rare, made you gag.

Now, if you workout but never post it to Instagram, what’s the point?

Your bulging muscles won’t appreciate themselves and if nobody sees you squat past parallel then it never actually happened.

People have their phones with them for a myriad of reasons: life struggles, exercise diaries, work, social media, distractions, music.

Whatever it is, it’s not your place to judge someone for using their phone on the gym floor and if you’re using your phone it’s your responsibility to make sure your head is up and you’re paying attention.

If you get hit in the head by a barbell while posting to Facebook, it’s you’re own fault.

4. Have fun

Like Cyndi Lauper pined, “girls just want to have fun” and so does everybody else in the gym.

You may have a masochist or sadistic streak but everybody else is just in the gym to have fun and maybe make a gain or two, that’s why they work out in pairs and talk and dance around the gym whilst singing to pop songs.

Similar to Rule Two, don’t take away someone’s happiness; you don’t know them, you don’t know their motivation for working out and you don’t know what they’re escaping from.

And make sure you’re also having fun.

5. Be sociable

In time, the gym will probably become your second home; a bio-dome where the outside struggles fade away and become nothing more than a speck on the horizon.

Because of this, gyms can either be incredibly isolating or sociable.

Choose isolation and you may get some mental reprieve from the hustle of your day to day life but if you choose to be sociable, you’ll learn from those who are stronger, fitter and faster.

You’ll grow as a lifter and as a person because where else in your life can you immerse yourself in a smelting pot filled with people from all different professions, social economic classes and levels of experience and expertise.

Of course there are other rules, the cliched ones, the ones that belong in a romantic comedy where a man falls in love with a dumbbell, cheats on it with Crossfit, only to be taken back when he stops eating sugar and starts cleaning all of his food before he eats it.

(That’s what ‘eating clean’ means, right?)

But these are the rules people don’t think about because they’re too concerned with how their perceived by the people around them, too obsessed with the image they’re portraying than the person they’re becoming and while it might be tempting to be that person that does nothing but grunt at other members or perfectly applies their makeup, please don’t be that person.

Nobody really likes that person.



Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dave Asprey- A 21st Century Snake Oil Salesman

Dave Asprey, founder of Bulletproof coffee and the enigmatic biohacker who lost 45 kilograms without restricting calories or exercising, “learned about the power or butter at 18,000 feet elevation near Mt. Kailash in Tibet”, when he “staggered into a guest house from the -10 degree weather and was literally rejuvenated by a creamy cup of yak butter tea.”

In other news, Dave Asprey confirmed for being Bruce Wayne.

Asprey has a group of specially trained Oompa Loompa’s who pick the ripest, freshest coffee beans before the suns rays cause them to wither and die. He then uses his Bulletproof Process™ to eliminate any harmful moulds, bacteria and toxins from the beans to ensure you can enjoy the fruity aroma of apple, cherries and vanilla without the jittery, cranky feeling coffee normally causes.

For more: Dave Asprey- A 21st Century Snake Oil Salesman

Posted in Nutrition | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How To Experience Happiness and Smash PBs

“Just please, take it easy tonight,” Sara implored over the phone as she sat poolside, basking in the warm Melbourne sun.
“Yep, don’t worry. Of course I will.”

Normally I listen to my wife with attentive ears and a furrowed brow, as if every syllable was a precious commodity that would quickly dissipate. It was my job to preserve each word for future generations; to capture the wisdom.

This time though, I was in the middle of flicking off my work shoes, unbuttoning my shirt and slipping into my workout clothes (a bright orange singlet and a pair of blue shorts- no wonder she hates it when I dress myself).

Outside it was 40 degrees celsius, or 104 degrees fahrenheit, and the wilting plants begged for water as sweat started to bead on my brow the moment I stepped outside.

Twenty minutes later, I stood in front of a loaded barbell.

On it, was 240 kilograms (530 pounds). My previous personal best was 230 kilograms.

Clearly I wasn’t paying attention to my wife when she told me to take it easy.

To read more: How To Experience Happiness and Smash PBs.

Posted in Lifestyle | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Still Think The Contestants Are The Biggest Loser?

It hasn’t been long since it’s graced our screens but The Biggest Loser is back.

That’s right; the show that brought fat-shaming into the public domain, then went a step further in fat-shaming children, has now decided to honour Ararat with the title of ‘the fattest town in Australia’.

Good luck living down that moniker citizens of Ararat.

See, in 2010 Jamie Oliver did something similar as he headed off to Huntington, West Virginia, USA and attempted to bring them back from the precipice of a deep-fried armageddon.

He wept on national television when the residents spurned his broccoli croquets and, just like a teenager when their mother finds the porn stash, complained that nobody understood him!

In the end though, he did manage to, with the help of reluctant-turned-plucky school cook Alice, change the school canteen lunch programs, open up a kitchen where residents were are able to learn how to cook, for free, using fresh and seasonal produce, and institute a ‘pay it forward’ attitude towards learning how to cook.

Hell, he booked out a football stadium and taught people how to cook prosciutto wrapped chicken cutlets.

How awesome is that?!

And then we have The Biggest Loser…

To read the rest of the article, head over to: Still Think The Contestants Are The Biggest Loser?

Posted in Exercise, Nutrition | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

5 Ways To Improve Crossfit- A Reaction To My Last Article

5 Ways To Improve Crossfit- A Reaction To My Last Article

Over the past few weeks, Crossfit has been thrust back into the social spotlight with some, including myself, calling it out as an irresponsible exercise methodology, and others using it as a call to arms, rallying around their beloved regime.

Since Greg Glassman first conceptualised Crossfit in 2000, bringing Olympic lifting, gymnastic moves and mobility work to the masses in a high paced, frenetic fashion, it has been plagued with controversy.

In 2001, Glassman claimed that periodisation, a method used effectively by thousands of people for decades before, was a hoax.

Two years later, in 2003, Glassman infamously stated that Crossfit would allow an individual to go from deadlifting 200 pounds to between 500-700 pounds in two years, despite only pulling for maxes 3 times a year.

Despite all this though, Crossfit has boomed and now has over 7000 affiliates, mostly within the United States, and thousands of loyal followers that will immediately rally to the cause when their workouts are called into poor repute.

But there are still a myriad of problems with the core system, and the growing understanding of these flaws may explain why so many affiliate gyms are moving away from the core programming outlined by the site.

To continue reading, please continue to: 5 Ways to Improve Crossfit

And don’t forget to sign up for the mailing list to make sure you stay up to date with all the latest nutritional and fitness info that you can use to improve your physique and lifestyle.

Posted in Exercise | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

10 Things The Instagram Athlete Has To Stop Doing

We’ve all seen them.

Their abs, booties and cleavage make us squirm in our skin when our Grandma asks us what Instagram is, and then pleads with us to see ours, yet we still ‘follow’ and ‘like’ them because they provide us with insightful tips on how to get sexy, and motivate us to get off our arses so we can get hot like them.

And yet, it’s hard to take them as anything but eye-candy when you read some of the backwards drivel that comes out of their mouths.

To continue reading: 10 Things The Instagram Athlete Has To Stop Doing

Also, take a moment to sign up to the JP Training Systems newsletter. You’ll receive exclusive subscriber only content delivered directly to your inbox to help you take your physique to the next level.

Posted in Lifestyle | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Is this the dumbest person on YouTube- Freelee the Banana Girl

There are two types of people in the fitness industry.

Type one have dollar signs in their eyes, often at the expense of their clients wallets. These are the ones that do not have the publics best intentions at heart, instead opting for shaky science and flimsy logic to put a quick buck in their own pockets.

Tracy Anderson is one such example.

She continues to make ludicrous claims to the media that are single handedly setting the fitness industry back decades, choosing to ignore every advancement in exercise science and nutrition, in the pursuit of charging $900 a session.

Then we have the Type Two trainers. These one are the ones that lost a great deal of weight by cutting out sugar, eating 6 small meals a day, taking Shredz or going vegan/vegetarian. Whilst misguided, and possibly dangerous, still setting the fitness industry back years, they have their clients best interests at heart, yet still choose to believe things on bad or nonexistent evidence in an effort to be ahead of the fitness game.

Nobody wants to hear that they can lose weight eating 3 meals a day- that’s boring.

Freelee, the Banana Girl, has just over 25,000 likes on Facebook, 69,500 followers on Instagram and 3,288 Twitter followers.

And yet, she is doing irreparable damage to the industry by providing misinformation and inane claims that are not backed, in any way, by science.

To continue reading, please go to:

Posted in Nutrition | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments